Out of the mouths of....

I picked up Alek today and was reading the journal his teacher keeps for me. She noted that they had talked about having a good day and getting his listening ears on and ready. His reply: He said he had one ear that was bad and one that was good and sometimes he just listened to the bad ear too much!

So our new focus is working on listening only to the good ear!

In other news, our raspberry bush finally decided to produce! We thought this summer was a bust, guess it was just a little late because we hit the mother load tonight!

YUMMY!!!

Fall is upon us and you can already feel it in the air. While I like the change of seasons it is a bit annoying this time of year. You have to dress warm in the morning, only to be sweating by the afternoon.

Alek got off to a rough start with pre-k. His listening wasn't great and he was having issues talking back and controlling his anger.

It seems he was upset at his friends going to kindergarten and they don't have to take naps and he still does.

We talked with him and practice how he should talk to others, especially his teachers. We also left a notebook which we track his behavior for each part of the day. Stars are great, checks mean we need to have a little talk.

This has seemed to help and he seems to be back on track for the most part.

Maks also has found his attitude as he approaches 3. He is testing the waters especially since he is gaining the language to talk back at times.

His language skills are really improving and we are waiting to hear whether he qualifies for speech with the intermediate unit.

His favorite sentence right now: "Alek did it or Alek pushed me". He definitely has figured out how to blame things on his big bro!

We are planning his 3rd birthday party and look foward to having fun at a local farm with hayrides and cornstalk mazes!

We headed down the beach for the weekend. Pop and Noni graciously watched the boys overnight and Kevin and I had a little escape.

We enjoyed some shopping and then our own little pub crawl in Rehobeth Beach. It was a good time and fun just hanging out together.

We stopped at this great restaurant/bar called Red Sqaure. As soon as we walked in we felt like we were back in Russia, the decor and the music. They had a fabulous selection of vodka and typical russian menu. They also had a large caviar menu, although we do not eat that.

So we enjoyed some vodka, toasted our time in Russia and our kiddos.

The boys had a blast, playing on the beach and the boardwalk and the arcades. The water was warm enough for them to swim so that was nice. A great weekend was had by all and I am sure Pop and Noni slept great Sunday night!

We are looking forward to this weekend as it is the opening of the fall festivities at the local farm. The lighting of the Great Pumpkin commences Friday night, so we are hoping for good weather!

Animal and Pet Lovers-help needed!!!

Yesterday, HB 2532 and 2525 (popularly known as the puppy mill bill) passed the PA House of Representatives! The Representatives stated that this was the most successful email/phone campaign ever. We can make PA a leader in this humane effort.
On to the Senate..After today there are only FIVE days left on the Senate calendar to pass this bill - - 5.
The dogs who are currently suffering and those being born, at this moment, need your voice. If the state Senate does not pass this legislation so it can be signed into law before the end of the current legislative session, we will have to start all over again next year. Everyone receiving this email can do something..Please take action today..see below. Then send this email to everyone you know.

TAKE ACTION:
PA animal lovers: You can contact your state senator, as well as the chairman of the Senate Agriculture and Rural Affairs Committee and Senate leaders, and urge them to make sure House Bill 2525 and 2532 receive a "Yes" vote now by visiting here: http://www.pahouse.com/action/NewPAHousetakeactionform.aspx?id=67&MemberID=
Please also consider sending a personal email to your Senator as well. You can find them by clicking on this link: www.legis.state.pa.us and put your zip code or county in the "Find Members By" box in the top right hand corner.

Out of state animal lovers and PA animal lovers: Sign the petition to tell the PA General Assembly to Stop Puppy Mill Abuse: www.savingpuppies.com (background on this petition: Recently, a new Political Action Committee (PAC) has been formed to focus exclusively on improving the treatment of dogs, DogPAC. Thomas Hickey of the PA Dog Law Advisory Board is Chairman of this new PAC. They have made it very easy for anyone in any state to sign this petition. They have received 2,000 signatures..but they need 15,000.)

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten, that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than one who has nothing to eat..Mother Theresa

Rain out

Friday night was going to be Alek's first Phillies game. Unfortunately it was a rainy day. Despite raining all day, the game hadn't been called. I even phoned the box office and the lady there said they were not planning on calling it.

So off we went. The boys had their rain gear on. Maks was headed to have dinner with Grammom, Poppy and Meem, so the frog boots were a must have for dinner wear!

So we dropped Maks off at Applebee's for his dinner date and we were on our way. Hit alot of traffic and of course on a crowded Schyukyll Expressway Alek has to go to the bathroom. Not good. But being the resourceful mother I am I remembered the sippy cup. I don't have to explain the rest....

We got down to Citizen's Bank Park and it was only a light mist, so we were good to go. Alek couldn't wait to get in a get the popcorn he had been talking about the whole way down.

We are 10 feet from the gate and the game was called. They wouldn't even allow us in to show Alek the big field. We were cracking up at the guy behind us who said, "I knew they would get me for $11 for parking then call the game!"

So we took a little walk to see if by chance we could find some popcorn or pretzel for our disappointed little fan, but there was nothing ,so back in the car we went. We remembered a neighborhood pub in Roxborough we used to frequent and my mom still does, great food and best of all-a popcorn machine! We hoped they still had it, because Alek was still asking for it.

They did and we even got to sit right next to it. Alek was a happy fan again!

Maks had a great dinner date, eating all his food and of course "sharing" everyone else's dinner. Apparently he loved Meem's onion soup and the croutons from her salad.

So, the night was not a wash out after all!

The invisible birthparents

I was talking with a person the other day who was exploring their adoption options. We were discussing all the various paths and their pros and cons. The topic of birthparents had come up and I had mentioned that we had recently made contact with both boys birthmothers in Russia. Obviously this was suprising for this person to hear. We talked a little over the process and she asked, but isn't that why you go international so you don't have know or "deal" with the birthparents?
To me this was one of those "ouch" comments that can get under skin, but you can't let it, because it is a legitimate question.
I replied that while maybe that is why some people choose international, it was not one of the reason we did. We never had a problem having a relationship with the birthfamily, it was more the fear of bmom changing her mind, etc...
I always thought it would be a great thing for a child to know their roots and history and have that contact. It was something I grieved when we did choose international, but the pros outweighed that con for us.
Adoption experts agree that knowledge and information benefits the child. It can help encourage their understanding and acceptance of how and why they came to be in their family.

I think for adoptive parents it can be a struggle in regards to how they feel or perceive their child's biological parents to be. I think alot of that depends on what information they receive. I can say, that the information we received while mostly accurate painted a different picture than what I have now. I struggled more with Maks given his medical history and causes of it. It is hard not to be angry at someone for knowingly doing things while they are pregnant and what it did to your child, it is hard not to judge. I did my best not to. I have never walked in their shoes or dealt with the same struggles, so I cannot judge, I just have to accept. It is very hard for someone who struggled so long to have a family to understand how a person could carry a child for 9 months and then "give them up". It is something that I could never imagine doing, yet because they did I am a mom. Talk about internal confliction! I felt though, that was important to give them the benefit of the doubt. I then pictured two women who felt they had no other choice, how hard was that for them to say good-bye, it still brings tears to my eyes when I think of it that way.

Because of the information we received, I had an image or perception of these women and while I remained grateful for these two beautiful lives, I still felt conflicted. This was a good reason to pursue a search. If I am "judging" these women, am I in turn judging my children?

I had to stop and think, yes it could be hard for me to do this because of the unknowns. What happens if I find out things I didn't want to hear, yet I have this information and at some point my children deserve to know it?
I kept reminding myself that it was not about me and my feelings, but my childrens. I put myself in their shoes 10-15-20 years down the road, what would I want to know, how would I feel, what questions would I have, would I resent my parents for not looking?
That is what sealed the deal for me. Yes it was hard, but it was exciting and amazing, especially having the phone conversation with S.
To me this can only benefit our children. Since we have always talked about adoption and they know the words and their stories, how we talk about their birthparents is how they will also perceive them. Therefore we need to be respectful and value them for who they are, not what they did that we may not agree with.(I do want to add though, that this would be exceptionally difficult in dealing with cases of severe abuse and neglect and older children who remember much more).

I hope that I was able to give this potential adoptive parent a new insight and to not just write off birthparents, we always have to remember that no matter what, if it wasn't for them, we would not be parents.

Edited to add (great article I read awhile ago and pulled out after my recent experience):
Nature vs. Nurture: When We Judge Our Children's Birthparents, We Often Judge Our Children, article by Lois Melina (Adoptive Families Magazine, March/April 2001)

Firsts

Another summer has come to a close, wish we could drag it out an extra month. Our summer was filled with alot of fun and firsts.

Alek is swimming really well, he makes it about 20 yards (no floatation device) before he has to stop and he has finally learned to float on his back.

Maks went from being afraid of the water to floating on his front and back and swimming doggie paddle.

Both boys learned how to swing by themselves.

Maks can ride Alek's bike with the training wheels.

Maks said his first 3 word sentence: "go beach house" followed up by "I do it". So his speech therapy is going well, right now they don't feel he will need the intermediate unit, but we will have that testing shortly!

Alek has finally mastered knowing his street, town, state and country (just in case and because mommy is a neurotic safety nut), so now we will start on the phone number.

Maks had alot of firsts on some rides at the boardwalk, he was a brave little guy.

Alek had his first time in the bumper cars with Megs, he is hooked!

We rounded out the summer down at Pop and Noni's on the beach. It was a gorgeous weekend and the kids had a blast.They love exploring the beach and looking for shells, stones, fish and crabs.

While we were down there, I had the pleasure of our first phone conversation with Alek's bmom ("S"). S was shy and hesitant at first, so it was a bit awkward, but we pushed passed the strangeness and learned some things about each other and the kids. We have quite a few things in common. It was truly a pleasure to speak with her and I feel very lucky to have this contact. She ended our conversation by stating that she hoped we could become friends and our children could as well. It really warmed my heart and I am so grateful to her. It is amazing to be so far apart in terms of location, yet have this incredible connection.

Next up:school.

This is Alek's pre-k year. Hard to believe my baby will be in kindergarten next year!!

He is already excited to go the the big school next year!

Maks is transitioning into the preschool group as well, since he turns 3 in October. He is doing really well so far with the transition and also has been doing great on the potty training front, hoping to be out of the pull-ups before his 3rd birthday!

Alek is also starting karate this week, our goal being to help with self control, respect, concentration and courtesy (some areas we have been having trouble with the last few weeks of summer!). It is a non contact class at the Little Gym, so we are all looking forward to it!

They are also giving him a trial run of piano at school since he seems to really show a great interest during music class, so we will see how that goes.

Going back to my previous post, I was reading the comments and it is good to know I am not alone, especially comforting to hear from the teachers! I know many times parents live through their children, which I have seen in sports, it is just hard to comprehend being that competitive, especially with young children--I wonder if it benefits or hurts them in the long run being pushed hard at an early age. I can see how easy it is to over schedule your kids though, especially if they show an interest in many things, I know this will be something I will have to check myself on! I think my parents rule was one sport per season and if you started it you finished it. I will have to keep that in mind.

Well, looking forward to a good school year and a fabulous fall!

Gifted?

I was reading an article today on CNN.com which actually had me chuckling a little.


I have been involved in or listened in on quite a few conversations of moms discussing the fact that they believe their child is "gifted".


Most times the "gifted" children are between the ages of 2-4. It is usually all I can do not to laugh when someone says, "sally (2 1/2 spoke in sentences at age 2 and knows all her colors, so I need to find a gifted program for her do you have any recommendations", or "johnny is reading some words, do you think he is gifted?" or "he has been on the waiting list at X preschool because of their "gifted" curriculum".


I always thought, that while I am in no way an expert I have been around many kids throughout my life from coaching to teaching swimming to camp and babysitting and it always seems that some kids will do things early, some later, but by kindergarten-1st grade most seem to be on the same page. So this whole new world and word of "giftedness" in the toddler and preschool age really makes me stop and think, am I doing something wrong?

When I was looking at day cares/preschools for Alek the ones that turned me off were the ones that pushed too much education in terms of sit down class room time. How long do we really expect young children to sit still and listen and hold their attention? It didn't matter to me that my child would be competent on the computer by the age of 3 or doing math and reading full books by age 4. I guess I kept looking back at my childhood, YMCA nursery school, swimming, arts and crafts and circle time. I think am doing pretty good?


I wanted the kids to be kids, have fun, be physical, learn by doing, they have the next 17+ years to sit in a classroom. I figure we should just keep encouraging the things they love, whether it be swinging, running, swimming, catching bugs, reading and coloring or doing puzzles, after all, aren't they learning each time they master a new activity?

I just have a hard time believing a 2-4 yr old can be considered "gifted" (well aside from those rare cases), but then I wondered, well am I missing the boat here, should we be pushing our kids more, are we doing something wrong?
So reading this article today cemented my beliefs that we are doing ok!


http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/08/27/gifted.kids/index.html

Summers Gone By

Can't believe another summer is nearing its end. They go by too fast but we pack in alot of fun!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Realization

Before I had kids I used to dream about and think I would be a great stay at home mom. Then real life happened and we both work full time, albeit with very flexible jobs. I always had alot of guilt which is normal I know but I think it also helped me be more attentive and more involved the hours we had together each day. Though I always felt working part time would be a great balance.

So last week we were on vacation, the week before I had my normal day off (along with a couple shortened days) and this week I was off today to go on field trip with the boys to the zoo.
I have come to the realization, that I don't think I was ever really cut out to stay home full time. Maybe I am thinking this now, because the boys are so active and close in age, maybe I am just out of shape? I am beat, physically and mentally. I have to say it was actually nice to be at work on Monday for the break.

And let me just say God Bless the preschool teachers, they are definitely high up in the ranks of the underpaid professions! I don't know how they do it, their patience is amazing! (I guess I have also realized I probably wouldn't have been a good teacher, which was another profession I had considered).

So while I did have a blast with the boys all last week and the field trip was alot of fun, I can safely say I am happy they are sleeping peacefully and I am right behind them. My mind and body need to recuperate!

Funny quiz

I was hoping for JFK....

You Are Most Like Bill Clinton

No doubt, your legacy may be a little seedier than you'd like. But even though you've done some questionable things, you're still loved by almost all.

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Our vacation

We spent a week at the beach in Delaware. Thanks Pop and Noni for the use of the house! It was a fabulous week weather wise, especially for August. No humidity, beautiful breeze, good water temp. It was a relaxing week, well as relaxing as you can get with our two guys!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Anniversaries and referrals

Saturday, August 16th marked our 4th Family day with Alek. Four years ago a kind albeit stern looking judge in Kirov granted our adoption of Alek and made us parents after so many years of waiting!

It is hard to believe that it has been four years and our baby has become a boy. What an amazing and fun adventure it has been for us, there are no words to describe how much happiness he has brought into our lives, we are truly lucky and thankful!

Monday, August 18th marks the day we received Maks' referral, a month before we thought! I got the call at work and unfortunately could not get the email with the pictures there. So Kevin got to see him first this time, as I got to see Alek's picture first.

I was so excited when I opened that email and saw his beautiful little face and red hair. We could not wait to go meet this special little guy!Unfortunately we had to wait over a month for that meeting, but it was all the more special as it occurred on his 1st birthday. So while there were firsts that we missed, we were able to share that special day with him!

What excitement, fun, and noise Maks has brought into our lives. It is so amazing watching the boys together, well not when they fight, but when they are happily playing together. They are truly brothers and they have made our lives complete!

"One gets only a day or two in an entire lifetime as incredible as the day we first saw your face"

(Nancy McGuire Roche)

Video, warning tear jerker

This video has definitely made the rounds, I have cried each time I see it, so I thought I would add it here for those who have not yet had the pleasure. Get your tissues though!

Fort Fun

One of the joys of boys, is they love forts. I think this was our best yet!! Especially the extra little crawl spaces inside under the stools!

There was even enough room for daddy to squeeze in, although that was definitely not a cute enough picture to post here!

What were you doing 4 years ago today?

We were meeting this amazing little man who changed our lives forever. One look from those gorgeous blue eyes and one smile from his sweet face and we were in love!

We are so blessed and thankful to have Alek in our lives.