Snakes and snails and.....

And so the rhyme goes. Boys will be boys. I love it, I love being a mom to 2 wild, crazy, dirty, happy, fun, and sweet boys. This is a nice surprise to me. While as a child, I was a tomboy, I loved sports and could hang with the boys. But As I grew, I found myself enjoying the more "girlie" things in life, shoes, clothes, going to the theatre, being pampered at the spa. So, I always envisioned myself having girls, we would get pedicures together, they would share my love of shoes, we would do theatre trips to NYC, but yet still take in the baseball or hockey game. I always wanted 2 girls and a boy, that was my dream for myself. Then a couple fortune tellers told me, no you will have 2 boys and a girl. Ok, that was good, still would have my girl.
But, life always has other plans for you.

Here I am, the lone female in a house of boys. It is loud and messy and that is just with the oldest! Add in the smells, the bugs, trucks and matchbox cars I step on all the time, the burps and farts and poopy talk and you have entered my world.
Surprisingly I find myself loving it. I even let them show me bugs as long as they dont get too close or drop one on me. I love watching them dig in the dirt and sand. I have stopped cringing when they discover new ways of hanging off the monkey bars or hurling themselves down slides or off swings. Their knees are scraped, their shins are bruised, their faces are dirty and dont even get me started on what is happening under their fingernails, but I love it. Life is so entertaining with boys. They crack me up and never cease to amaze me with the new adventures they come up with.
This boy thing has its advantages too. They are my official stink bug hunters. I dont have to touch those bugs, I hand them a paper towel and they take care of things. Same thing with spiders and other little uninvited guests in my house.
They are strong, so pretty soon they can do alot of heavy lifting for me, like laundry! Alek has really strong hands, so I am training him to give mommy shoulder massages. Maks, well he shares my love of shoes, so shopping with him is fun! Alek loves plays and musicals. They both love listening to music and we have our little pre-bed dance parties.
My life did not turn out like I had envisioned it, but I cannot imagine it any other way. I love the noise, the mess, the smells and all the giggles that come with raising little boys!

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Super trooper

Well it was finally time to say good bye to Maks' tonsils and adenoids. Goodbye to snoring and apnea and hello to better sleeping!

We prepared Maks using CHOP's kids galaxy website. It is an awesome little site filled with information and games. It really helps kids learn what to expect. He loved all the little games. Alek and Maks both had a great time with the card concentration game.

The day before surgery was my birthday. The boys had spent saturday night at Grammom and Poppy's. I picked them up Sunday morning and we headed to MeMe's for a visit. We headed back to our house and enjoyed a nice lazy day. I headed to the store to stock up on favorites for Maks post op.

We had a nice early dinner and some yummy cake! They had given me my birthday present on Saturday-a new camera! I love it, it is exactly what I wanted and the high shutter speed is perfect for baseball games and hockey.

I was sitting with Alek and thanked him for making my birthday special. He said thank you for making my life beautiful mommy. Maks followed up with his daily, Your my best mom.

That was definitely the best birthday present ever!

So we headed to bed, I said some extra prayers for a safe and smooth day for Maks.

We woke up the next morning and Maks and I dropped Alek at LL. Maks got extra hugs and good luck wishes from his teacher and we headed off to the surgery center. I was telling Maks of all the goodies I had for him after surgery, especially his favorite chocolate pudding. He was excited about that!

Daddy met us there just as we were getting situated in the room. He loved his new bright yellow slipper socks and was extra happy when he heard he would get to bring them home! After getting his measurements (ht 41 inches, wt 40 pounds), he got to pick out a movie. He picked Dinosaur, which was the same one Alek picked a few months back when he was in for adenoids. Personally I think it is intense for a Disney movie, but I figured he would be getting the giggle juice soon enough and hopefully wouldn't remember.

I really wish they would hook the parents up with a shot or two of the juice. It is pretty stressful letting go of your little one and heading into the waiting room. Mommy needed help with the separation. Maks was definitely loopy as they headed down the hall, we waived and he said, Bye! Are you going home mom? Everyone laughed and we said no we would be right there waiting for him.

We took our spots in the waiting area and had some food and coffee. The nurse came out to go over with us what to expect and also discuss post op care.

Pretty soon, the anesthesiologist came out to let us know Maks was in recovery and he did well. Such a relief to hear those words! The surgeon came out to tell us Maks did great. He said his tonsils and adenoids were huge and he also found 2 small polyps on his vocal cords which goes along with the hoarseness. He said they usually dont touch them surgically in children, but that speech therapy will need to work on his volume issues and better care of his vocal cords. Yea, that should be interesting! Maks definitely has volume issues, so it will be interesting to see who can get him to turn it down quickly!

We headed back to see him. He was waking up but very upset and restless. He had some blood in his nose and drool and mucous from his mouth. Around his eyes were red from the tape. He looked bad. He couldn't get comfortable, he was crying, trying to talk. He kept wanting to hug me. I thought back to when he was in for his circumcision, not long after coming home, at that time he wanted no parts of mommy holding him, he cried even more and only settled when daddy held him. Now all he wanted was me. While it broke my heart that he was so upset it did feel good to see how far we have come.
Maks tends to get focused on one thing, hyperfocused and will stay stuck on it until he feels it has been resolved. Well, he remembered me saying I had chocolate pudding for him. He wanted it and he wanted it NOW. He could not understand that there was no pudding there, I promised him and he was pissed. He kept asking for it and we had to slowly coax him into taking some water ice and a popcicle. He kept asking for that pudding though, any chance he could.

He finally did well enough to be discharged. Maks and I headed home and Daddy headed to the pharmacy to get his medications and some goodies. On the drive home, Maks asked for the pudding about 10 times. The nurse had told us that he probably wouldnt want to eat that day, but just to make sure he drank or took in fluids like water ice, etc..

We were no sooner in the door, he headed for the fridge and took out the pudding. He finally had his pudding. He was happy. He went on to eat 2 more cups of pudding, 3 jellos, 1 popcicle, 2 applesauces, 2 cookies, 2 yogurts, along with applejuice, water and some pink lemonade. And they said he wouldnt eat..Ha, they dont know our boy!

Maks continued to do well the remainder of the day. He ordered me around and I remained at his beck and call! I ran to pick Alek up and as soon as he saw me, he said, Mom is Maky ok? He said, he can play my DS if he wants, I know that will make him feel better. SO sweet!! Maks slept fairly well, better then I thought he would. He slept in our bed and Alek not wanting to be left out, camped out on our floor.

Day two has been a different story. Maks woke up crabby and definitely was alot more punky today. He was drinking but really didn't want to eat. He didn't want to do anything except lay on the couch and snug. Around lunch, he said he wanted some soup and chips. He had two bites and then I heard words I never thought I would hear from my son, "Mom, this is too much food for me". I almost fell over. But that was the extent of the day, a few bites here and there and just drinking some juice.

He musted up some energy to do Playdoh with Alek, but that didn't last too long. Hopefully he sleeps well tonight. We are keeping him medicated and trying to stay up on his pain. He is complaining occasionally of this throat hurting him, but otherwise he is a true Super Trooper. He is our little tough man and I am very proud of him for how brave he has been!

Nightmares

I was walking down this long hospital corridor, one of those hallways that seems to just keep getting longer. I could see the doctor at the end that I was supposed to meet, but no matter how fast I walked, I wasn't gaining any ground, I felt like I was walking through sludge.
Finally after what seemed like hours, I was standing in front of the doctor, waiting for the news.
My heart was pounding and as he said the words I felt like I was floating outside my body.
"I can only save one of them, you need to choose, You need to make a decision as soon as possible". What, what was he saying, I couldn't comprehend. I was looking all around me, where was Kevin, what was happening? The doctor said again, "You have to choose", which child will it be? All of sudden it all came crashing down on me, I had to choose which one of my children would live. I started to shake, I felt the bile rising up in my throat, I was crying and screaming, I can't do this, I can make that decision. Where was Kevin? What is happening? The doctor yelled at me, "YOU HAVE TO DECIDE NOW, we are running out of time!"
I stuttered, I was trying so hard to stay conscious, trying hard to comprehend. I opened my mouth to give my answer....
Then I woke up. I sat straight up in bed, heart pounding, gasping for breath, looking around me. I slowly began to focus and looked down at Alek sleeping peacefully. I jumped out of bed and ran to Maks' room, he was fast asleep, with his usually snoring and grunting going on. I leaned down and kissed his face and headed back to my room. I kissed Alek's head and just held his hand.
It took a long time for my heart to slow down. My mind was racing though. What did this dream mean, was it meant to be some sort of prediction. Why would my subconscious go there? Was I actually going to choose and if so, who was it--how could a mother make that decision.
Needless to say I had a very rough time getting back to sleep.
I have always had vivid dreams. nightmares, or nightterrors, but this dream still haunts me.

So back in reality, we have been busy as usual, baseball, hockey and soccer. Its a sports world here. Working hard to keep Maks healthy so his surgery goes on as scheduled next week. He was a super trooper with the blood work, such a brave little dude.
Alek's schedule has been altered this past week due to a teacher's strike. Thankfully due to the day care we are not scrambling to make arrangements, but he has been upset about not going to GS, he keeps asking when he will see his teacher Mrs. C again. He totally has a crush on her!
He had heard about the strike, so he has been asking questions. Its a hard concept to explain to a six year old, so I do my best to re-direct him to something else :o)

Tuesday, I walk into my office to a voicemail, "Mrs Harkins, this is Betsey, nurse practitioner, could you please call me to discuss Maks' bloodwork results". My stomach dropped and my heart sunk. My hand was shaking as I called her back. Maks' PT was prolonged. This is the test that shows how quickly your blood clots. Now, as a nurse, I know this test can have false results due to collection or lab error, but as a mom, I panicked. They wanted us to have it repeated that day. She said, if it remains elevated surgery will be cancelled and we will need to see hematology. My head was spinning as I called Kevin to explain what was going on.
I tried to remind myself that this most likely was a false positive, that he has absolutely no other symptoms of a coagulopathy, he was fine. But I still couldn't suppress that fear. The fear of everything falling apart, the fear of our perfect little life being turned upside down.
I have never been the person to ask, "why me", I usually ask, "why not me"?
I picked Maks up at school, he came out with those bright happy eyes, thanking me because he didn't have to take a nap. As I strapped him he, he said, I love you mom, your my best. This is something he says 5 times a day, but that moment it hit me hard. I jumped in the front seat with my eyes watering and turned on some fun music so he wouldn't see mommy upset.
He was a brave little solider again getting this blood work drawn. He was so focused on the treasure chest where he could pick out a prize, he barely noticed the draw. He left with some special treats, we stopped at the bakery and got cupcakes for us and Alek and then headed back to pick up Alek. Then we waited. I knew I wouldn't hear anything until the morning. I gave Maks extra hugs and kisses at bedtime and said some extra prayers and tried to get some sleep.
True to her word, the NP called first thing in the morning. The test was normal!!! Whew... I took a deep breath, called Kevin and said a prayer of thanks.
What a reminder at how quickly life can change and how much we take for granted. It is hard sometimes, loving this much.
Lots of extra hugs and kisses. My children are healthy, they are happy and they are both here with me.

Now, we just have to get through surgery on Monday....he is scheduled to arrive at 8:45am. They said it will take about an hour, more will depend on if they find anything with the laryngoscope. The wait will be awful. Wish they gave the moms the giggle juice too...

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The Sporting Life

Having two boys and a sports nut for a hubby, I always assumed my life would be one filled with sports and it is proving to be that way. These boys love to be active and in motion so any sport will do.

Soccer was our first adventure with Alek. He played several seasons and always seemed to enjoy it and was pretty good, but he no longer wants to play soccer, so we have moved on.
He says his favorite is baseball, so we started him with Tball last year which he loved. He has moved up to Jr Midgets this year which is a pitching machine. We have had a handful of practices and it is amazing to see the difference from last year. It is a blast to watch

Maks always wants to do whatever Alek is doing and unfortunately he winds up to young for certain leagues. But last fall him and I did a parent child soccer class which he enjoyed except when mommy had to tell him what to do. His answer was always, I can do it myself!
This year he is old enough for a pee wee league which just started this week. he loved it, did get frustrated at times because he wants to be perfect at it. So our challenge with him is two fold, Patience and learning not to talk when the coach is! He is pretty good at dribbling the ball and has a mean long kick and punt. He definitely likes having his own team outside of Alek.

Alek has been taking skating lessons since last fall and has progressed well. This week was test week and he passed Basic 2 so that means he moves into hockey tract! He has his gloves and and stick and is ready for his next adventure. Oh and he has the missing teeth to look the part!
It was weird this week for me, I think I got a glimpse into the future. Generally when he is playing something I dont get nervous for him, I just enjoy watching him, but I think knowing this was a test, I was so nervous for him, I had to walk away at one point! Whew, I am going to have to learn how to deal with this!!

Maks also took skating this session and depending on the week he seemed to enjoy it, that is, when he wasn't coming off the ice to pee! So he did great during test time, he looked like he was having a blast, he was so excited to come off the ice and tell us how well he did. he passed and is able to move to next group. We asked him if he wanted to sign up again and he said, "No, I want to play tennis!" Tennis, where did that come from? This kid keeps us on our toes!!

Now I have tried to make them well rounded with art and music. We even did piano lessons which I knew were done when they pulled all the keys off our keyboard. Thankfully I bought a cheap one. So for now, we will stick to sports.
I love their interest in trying new things, though I am not looking forward to the stress and worry it puts on me!

Unfathomable

For those involved with or touched by Russian adoptions, the past 24 hours have left many of us outraged, angered and shaking our heads in disbelief. How could a parent put their child on a plane alone and send them back to Russia? It is baffling to me.

When I first saw this story early this morning, I thought it must be a mistake. I didn't want to jump into judgement immediately, but the more I have read and saw, it is impossible not to.

I am sure there were alot of problems, this child had already been removed from one parent who had serious issues and spent a good deal of his life in a orphanage, an institution. There will be baggage, he is hurt child, who did not know how to be part of a family. It is up to the adoptive parents and the agencies, to prepare and educate and let parents know where they can get help and that it is ok to ask for it. You are not a failure.

Yes, it is known that records in Russia can be falsified, yes children have been known to be drugged so they appear peaceful and loving when meeting their prospective parents and yes, years of being institutionalized will affect a child deeply. But...this was no way to handle any issues she may have been having with her "son" (I am really having a hard time using the terms mother and son when it comes to this situation, because it is just to hard to wrap my brain around any "mother" doing this). Not to mention the fact this little boy has only been home a little over 6 months which as most of us know is truly not enough time.

Not every adoption will be perfect and it can be very hard for someone who has gone through the tedious and emotionally/financially draining process to admit that things are not what they had dreamed. But as a parent you have to fight and advocate for your child, find the help they need and you need, even if that means disruption. No one would be blaming this woman if she sought out help and said I can't do this, someone help me, help him, I may not be the right parent for this child and he deserves someone who can be that parent.

What really is baffling to me is the planning this took. Research for this russian attorney who advised them, research to find a man to meet this child in Russia, booking airfare, driving to DC? How much time was spent researching other options? A simple Google search could have led her to mutliple sites like FRUA, or Attachment Disorder, RADKid and many others. There are International Adoption Medicine clinics throughout the country she could have turned to. She could have looked for forums on Russian adoption and posted anonymously to other parents, asked questions, received guidance. There are so many parents out there who have been there and done that and they are always willing to share their knowledge and resources. There are people and groups who specialize in these situations and many families have had great success. it can be hard to get help in many states, but help is there and as a parent you should be the one fighting for your child.
You don't send a child back like they are a pair of shoes or broken electronics. Children do not come with guarentees. My heart breaks just thinking what must have been going through this little boys mind as he flew 10 hours alone and stepped off a plane in Russia to a stranger? This poor child's life has been damaged greatly by the actions of all the adults that have been in his short life, everyone has failed him. The other thing that has me worried is what does this teach the other boy that was involved, a cousin I believe, will he now live in fear of being sent away if he does something wrong? What is going through his little mind?

As angry as I am, my heart also breaks for Ms. Hansen, I am sure she didn't set out for this to be her goal and I can only imagine the devastation she must have felt when this was not what she had planned or dreamt about. But she made an extremely poor and inexcusable decision and one that has not only affected the life of this little boy, but has far reaching ramifications. Thousands of other prospective parents and children waiting in their orphanages for their forever families now may be waiting even longer while Russia determines whether to suspend adoptions to the US.
She and her mother need to be held accountable. If she had placed her biological child on an airplane to another state in the US with note stating she no longer wanted to parent this child, she would have been arrested already. To me, this is no different. He was legally her son, he was a US citizen. There should be no further research by the authorities, she needs to be charged with abandoning her child at the very least. The US government needs to be strong and clear in condeming her actions.
Agencies and prospective parents alike should be using this as a wake up call. Agencies need to do a much better job of educating, supporting and following their families. It shouldn't end once home. Post placement visits should be thorough and in the home, not over the phone, not at a neutral location. They should be providing parents with resources post adoption, where they can turn for help and that it is ok to ask for help, they will not get in trouble. They should be able to contact their agencies in an emergency and be able to receive help and guidance immediately.
Prospective parents need to educate themselves thoroughly before they even make that first trip to Russia. Russia also needs to remember that this is one person, while there are thousands of children thriving successfully with their families in the US.

So if you are a parent planning to adopt from Russia, do your research, talk to adoptive parents, use resources like IA clinics or FRUA. Learn all you can about parenting an adopted child, learn all you can about attachment and possible issues in children who have lived in institutions, just as you would if you were pregnant and expecting your first child.
If you are home and struggling, ASK for help, reach out to another parent, reach out to your agency, your pediatrician, go online, ask for referrals and resources, they are out there! There are people who can help.

So my thoughts and prayers go out to this little boy and I hope one day he finds a family that will love him and care for him no matter what and he will be able to experience the true meaning of a family is forever. My prayers also go out to Ms Hansen because I can only imagine the pain she is going through as well.

"Someday, maybe there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit." Erik Erikson

Eggs, evaluations,ENT, and Easter

Easter week was packed full of fun and necessities. First up was Maks' IEP to try to get him re-approved for speech. They had been leaning towards just monitoring him as he has shown a great deal of improvement, but unfortunately when he gets upset or excited, you cannot understand him at all. I have tried explaining this, and thankfully his therapist finally witnessed this first hand. Maks' teacher was at our meeting and it was wonderful to have another adovcate there for him. We were very happy when she approved him for another year and decided to change his schedule and see him in the afternoon when he is more prone to have issues. She will work with him while he is playing and with his friends. I think this is a great plan and we are very pleased.

Next up for Maky was his ENT appt. We have been following his one large tonsil for awhile now, while he doesn't get sick very much his sleeping has gotten worse. He snores alot more and has periods of apnea. Speech therapists were also concerned over the hoarseness of his voice and while this could be contributed to his volume issues they still wanted him checked for any polyps or other issues.

Last week while we were waiting for his appt, his other tonsil got huge and his apnea worsened. I took him to ped for a quick check and even though he had no other symptoms, they cultured his tonsils and I got a call a few days later it was positive for strep! He had no sx of being sick! So he went on an antibiotic. We finally got into ENT and after exam and review of all his records they definitely agreed it was time to take out the tonsils and adenoids which were also gigantic. They wanted to scope his vocal cords to take a peek but decided thankfully to wait until he is under to do it all at once. So we scheduled his surgery for 4/26. Delayed a little because he has to be off of fish oil for 2 weeks and needs to have blood work. While I dont like to see him undergo surgery I think this will make a huge difference for him.

Last week was also report card time. Alek received another good report--we are really proud of him. His reading is coming along so well, I get emotional listening to him read a book to me. It is all happening too fast!!

Baseball is going well, he seems to have adjusted to using the pitching machine. He really likes his team, and his coaches. It truly is amazing to see the progress made from last year, they look like real little ball players.

Maks start soccer this weekend, we are really looking forward to seeing him in action! I can already hear him yelling to his coach, "I can do it myself". He is such a pistol!

Thankfully after our long snowy winter we have been blessed with a gorgeous early spring, some days have had temps in the 80's. I love it! We headed to our annual Easter egg hunt at church. The boys were excited to see the Easter Bunny hopping around the crowd, no fear of him this year, well at least for the boys. Me, well, I still dont like the Easter Bunny, it is just wrong, big old Bunny, that looks funny and doesn't talk. Still wigs me out! The boys did great finding eggs and enjoyed the surprises that were inside. They had fun hanging with their friends as well. Later it was off to Joe and Reilly's house for their bday celebration. It was fun to hang out with the family and the kids had a blast playing with their cousins.

The day before Easter we decided to invite a few friends over and grill out. It was gorgeous weather. Not sure how it happened, but we wound up with a mini party--6 families and 16 kids!! It was crazy fun, I love it. The weather was perfect, Kevin slow cooked ribs all days, we had a wonderful feast and the kids all had a blast.

Easter morning we awoke to Maks standing in our room waiting to see what the Bunny had left. He had to wake us all up including Alek. So off we went downstairs to start the day a little earlier then we had planned. They had fun hunting for their eggs inside and outside. Lots of laughter and smiles with all their little prizes.

Granny and JoJo came up for dinner. It was another gorgeous day and we hung out back on the patio while the boys played. Jo and I enjoyed some fabulous champagne. Food was yummy and we all had a great time. It was a low key and wonderful holiday.
We missed sharing it with the rest of the gang but we know they were having a great time with Krissy down in the southern sunshine!

We are really enjoying this warm weather and loving the outside fun each day. The kids sleep like rocks now and actually so do I.

Loving spring!!