Warp speed

I think somedays, more then others it hits me how fast childhood goes.

It’s the little things, like Maks going to the bathroom and not really needing or wanting help from me anymore. I mean I was excited to get him out of pull-ups and now I realize I wont ever be buying pull-ups again.

Alek reading to me and using bigger words in his vocabulary then I do, or when I go to explain something in a book, he says with exasperation, mom I knowwww..
Things like watching them cut up their own food, dress themselves, including little buttons (I was at least still good for that..)

I can't help but wonder how soon will it be, that Alek will be embarassed if I try to hug or kiss him in front of his friends. When will they stop waving and signing "I love you" at the window at school. When will they stop running excitedly to see me everyday?

Watching them this past weekend at the beach with my friends and their kiddos, I think just hit me on how big they are and how quickly that happened. I was looking at my friend Jen's daughter, J, who is now 15, in full fledged teenage mode and yet I still look at her like she was as this cute little toddler. I was there for her birth, we still laugh about that story, I watched her grow and now she is a teenager?!
It is hard not to think before I know it the boys will be 15.

I know our family is complete, but somedays it is hard to let go of the fact I wont be mom to a new baby or toddler. Kevin wants me to pack up the crib that remains in Maks' room and sell it. I can't bring myself to do it yet. I keep saying it is for when Makenzie is over, but it is just an excuse. I can't let go.

This all makes me think of a quote from Jodi Piccoult's book, My Sister's Keeper.
Brian, the father, says,
"They outgrow us so much faster than we outgrow them".

In a few short weeks Alek will start 1st grade and Maks will start private kindergarten.
6 years ago this week we were in Russia becoming a family.
4 years ago this week we saw Maks face for the first time in an email.

I remember as a kid wanting to speed everything up, you can't wait for this, you want X to get here quickly, you want to be older….my kids are like this now….they want everything in fast forward or hyperspeed.

I am just trying to figure out how to hit the pause button for a little while.