Searching

When we decided on international adoption we knew we would have limited info on our children's birthfamily and most likely no contact at all. I know the limited contact can be an appealing reason for choosing an international adoption, it wasn't one of our reasons, but I can't say that it took an extra piece of stress away knowing that we would probably never have to deal with fear of birthfamily changing their mind. And in truth, after working so long and hard to have a family, it would make us feel better if we didn't have to "share" our children with anyone and that we would be the parents.
But I always knew it would be important for our kids to know and learn what they could of their birthfamilies and fo them to know that we were always grateful to their birthmothers for giving them life so we would have the opportunity to help them live it.
We always planned to be as open and honest as possible with our kids about their adoptions, their culture and their stories, though I still do not believe that they need to know everything and I feel that if there is something I can protect them from I will.

So with all this in mind we started a search for both families in each region. We have been using the services of a wonderful group and a wonderful woman, Mary.
We found out that Maks' birthmother was easily located and very agreeable to a phone interview, we were so excited and nervous! I can say it was relief to hear that she was happy to hear from us and that she was willing to answer questions for us. I was however worried about what we would find out. Maks' birth history was a bit complicated and the info we were given in court made it a little hard not to form an opinion of her and even if my thoughts or feelings of her were not that great, Maks would never know that. So now I worried what if we found out alot more bad stuff, how do you know what to share with your child and when to share it. How do you what is too much, what would be beneficial to them or what would be detrimental. So many questions and I am not sure there is a right answer to any of it.
But we forged ahead and compiled a few questions for the searcher to ask of her. This week we received the transcript of the telephone call. It was very surreal, I felt as I was reading her responses that I could actually hear her speak and while we have no picture of her yet, I was building one in my mind. My heart was filled with compassion for her and all she had been through, I felt like I could tell she was filled with love and compassion herself and I loved how she described Maks' two bio siblings who are with her. It was a picture into their lives and one that is so valuable to us and to Maks. Best of all she would like to continue contact and asked many questions of us as well. We are very excited at this prospect to have continued contact with her and truly hope for all involved it will continue.

I remember when Alek and Maks first came home and I would be rocking them and feeding them their nighttime bottles, I used to think about their birthmothers. What she was doing, was she thinking about him, I remember I used to try to send out signals to the universe so she would know he was well and was safe, because I couldn't even try to comprehend what it might be like to give birth to a child and then not know where that child was in the world and how they were doing.
I have to say I always did hope she cared, not that I wanted her to suffer in that, but it was a better picture then what was in my head of some of the women I had dealt with during my time in labor and delivery and nursing.

So now we axniously await word on Alek's search. I am trying to remain hopeful, but now I am also filled with additional worries, like what if they can't find her or some family, what if we have all this info and contact for Maks and not for Alek, how do we deal with that?
But I guess no matter what the outcome, the boys will know we tried our best to find out what we could for them and they will always know how much they are loved and how much we are so thankful for them coming into our lives.