My own child

I can say that througout both our adoption journies and after we have been pretty lucky not to run into some of those comments or preconceived ideas about adoption, that make you want to cringe. For that I am thankful.

But every so often you do get one that catches you off guard, just like when we were going thru treatments for infertility. I became really good at firing back on some of those and holding my tongue when I knew I was fighting a losing battle.



I was speaking with a woman who was trying hard to have a baby, they had gone thru the initial testing and some basic treatments, I nodded in both empathy and sympathy and shared what treatments we had undergone and our 5 year journey thru the world of reproductive medicine.

She asked why we stopped, why didn't we keep trying. My answer as it has always been, it was more important for us to be parents than be pregnant. Simple truth. She nodded in what I thought was agreement and then the zinger...

"I don't know, I would just really want my own child".

Deep breaths, Kris, after all most comments are made due to lack of understanding or knowledge on a subject.

So I calmly responded, I assume by "your own child" you mean biology? (Hoping I was giving her the out), but.. She said, well yes, I guess, but I just don't think I could raise someone else's child.

Hmmmm, ok. I am not raising someone else's child, I am raising my own children. No I didn't give birth to them, no there is no biology between us. But these boys are my son's, there is no connection more tighter or no bond more stronger and no love more deeper than what I feel for them. They are my life, I listen for their breaths as they sleep, they are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last as I fall asleep. I don't remember much of life before them and I can't picture any part of my future without them in it.
I feed them, hug them, shower them with kisses, I help dry tears and kiss boo-boo's and make sure all the monster's are in the trash before bed. My eyes fill with tears when I hear "mama", and "mommy I love you" or the newest, "mommy you are my princess".
I will try to fill in the blanks of their past, I help make their todays happy, safe and fun, and I help to plan and shape their futures.
I am not sure how much more of "my own" they can be because I can't imagine ever feeling like this if I gave birth. I am the mom, yes they both have birth mother's and I am forever grateful to them, they chose to give them life and we chose to help that life be all it can be.

Well I was so proud of my response (not as detailed as above, but I hit the big points), she looked at me blankly and said, that is an interesting way to look at, "bye and have a nice day".

Ok, so I tried, adoption is definitely not for everyone, but it would be nice to not have people truly believe I am raising someone else's child and for them to understand that I am the real mom!